Time meant nothing

(never sent)

Dearest Xander,

I want you to know that I love you, and that I won't stop, not as long as you're walking around and loving me back.  You're such a wonderful guy, always kind, always willing to make things work and I don't deserve you.  I've slept around...  a lot.  It was before I found you again but it still feels so wrong.  

I was hurting and I felt so alone, so I drank.  I won't blame sluttiness on drinking, but it sure didn't hurt.  If I was normal I'd be filled with disease right now but I'm not, so you'd never know.  That enough should be worth leaving me for, but there's something else.

My heart belongs to someone else.  Not that part of it isn't yours, which it always will be, because I do love you.  But this other person, he's, it's so hard to explain.  He's my family, my best friend, my other half.  He's been that for centuries and will be long after you're gone, honestly, he's been that for most of my life.

I think you suspect some of this already.  You know how close we are, and you- there's a bond that you can't break, no matter how much I hate him, or how mad you are about something he's said to me.  I think you know about Lynn too, because the math just doesn't add up with her.  I'm pretty sure Frankie will be yours, though, and you will be there for Lynn as she grows.

You are the best thing to happen to me, and I'm so sorry about everything.  You deserve better, and I deserve to be alone.

Love forever,
Janie

Dear random person,

Thank you for the ten bucks.  You saw a woman crying and wanted to help.  It's something that I've paid forward time and time again to others in a similar situation.

I hope life treated you well.

-Janie


ALSO

To the person that helped me earlier today.  Thank you.
-J

Ylaia,

I should be there.  I want to be there, fighting for Kaldoa because it is my home.

My people here are all gone, so it's there, Phoenix's family that I consider my own.  I know things are hellish there and it's partially my fault, but why are you blocking me?

The battle is dangerous, but Lynn is safe on Earth.  No one here will harm her anymore, I've made sure of that.  Please, please let me back so I can fight.  Let me defend my family, my home.  I don't care if I have to kill, my condition won't stop me from doing what's required.  Being left behind hurts sfm, and I'm ready.

I'll take every last bit of my abilities and strength to kill those two bastards if you'd let me back home.

-Janie

Xander,

Up for another round?

xoxo
J

Dear white people,

You're all not as bad as I thought you were.

--Janie

Dear [Name redacted]:

Will you please get out of my head?  I love thinking about you and dreaming, and every little thing, even the infuriating that you do.

Now that I've admitted this, I'm going to start thinking about someone else...  or about MY WEDDING which is coming up soon and I haven't even begun to plan it yet.

-Janie

Mama Sarah,

You won't get this because you're dead, but I appreciated every day that I had with you.

You treated me just like I was your own child, even after getting lost and returning.  Everyone could see how hard you worked to earn a little bit of money, and even though I protested, thank you for making me help you.  You taught me many things in the short time we had together, and you loved me no matter what.

I'm always going to miss you.

Love always,
Janie Louise

You,

I miss you.

I know that I shouldn't, that it hasn't even been that long, but I can't wait to see you again.  The way you smile, how your arms feel, your eyes- everything.

No, no...  You can't ever get this.  You can't know how I feel, except...  well, you know all to well, don't you?


Love,
Janie.

(so very encrypted and probably thrown away)

Dear Lynn,

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so, so sorry about what's happened.  You loved your life before I had to mess it all up.  You'll make friends at your new school and I'll find a place for us (you'll still have your own room).  Sometimes Mommies don't want to listen and I'm guilty of it.  You warned me,

Please, baby, please forgive me.  I hear it in your voice and see it in your eyes that you want to go back home.

Love you,
Mom

PS  We're alive.  It's got to be okay, because we're alive.

Cheray Ashi;

Cheray.

I'm sorry.  You deserved to live longer and happier and it's my fault that didn't happen.  I failed you as a leader and only hope that you can forgive me.

You were awarded medals and your children?  They accepted them for you, so, so beautifully.  They know that their mother was brave to the very last second and you, my lady, are considered a hero.

I'm not sure what's going to happen to me if/when I die, but I promise that I'll look for you and that we'll drink and dance and have the most fun two dead soldiers can ever, ever have.

-Janie