Fight - Based on RP from June
Jul. 26th, 2009 04:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_time_slipOOC: I'm going to try starting to post more fiction. This is RP that I've cleaned up. A few more are coming, some as fic responses, some just like this. This was discussed with the other person in the RP, so I don't think it will be a problem.
"It is right." Janie said, looking over his shoulder. "I have your best interests at heart." It was a lazy afternoon in early summer, and both of them were reading fortunes to each other.
"It's beating the statistics on being right."
"How accurate was yours?" She was a little nervous. He seemed to be taking it seriously.
"More than I'd like to admit right now."
"Here's hoping the lazy person doesn't stick around too long, and let's not talk about this any more right now." Janie smiled, and really wanted the subject to change.
"I don't know anyone lazy." Ian looked worried. "Okay, we don't have to."
"You don't? That doesn't mean that someone lazy will show up, does it? We can talk, I avoid things too much. This is me being avoidant. The fortunes are fake." She rambled a bit, and tried harder to improve the situation. She didn't want to argue with him.
"Maybe they're talking about Levine or Ludlow? They want things without doing work which could be lazy. I want to avoid the discussion." He paused, a serious expression still on his face. "As fake as tarot or astrology or winning lottery numbers."
"I could get the winning lottery numbers." She was mostly joking. Janie had considered it quite a few times, but knew it wasn't ethical.
"I've already got more money than I know what to spend it on."
"Not everyone is as fortunate." Money was something she didn't want to talk about with him, and the conversation seemed to be going further south.
"Not everyone is willing to work this hard to get here." She tried not to be offended. Obviously he talked about school, and everything he had been through to get to where he was, but she worked hard every day and was barely able to stay afloat- no, she was fast sinking into ruin because she could afford absolutely nothing.
"They're not as brilliant as you either."
"I'm not sure my common sense and brilliance will continue." The compliment didn't help him smile. He seemed so intense as he spoke.
"Why wouldn't they?"
"I tend to repeat mistakes." As Ian spoke, Janie felt like she was missing something but had no idea what. All she wanted was to see him smile again.
"If you catch yourself repeating the mistakes, why not stop?"
"Optimism? Hope? I'm not cynical about everything yet."
"Yet." Janie said that word flatly. She knew he'd become a complete cynic one day, and it seemed like that day was coming soon.
"Obviously."
"I'm going to be optimistic that you'll never become a complete cynic." Another hopeful smile, another chance to end whatever this was turning in to.
"That outcome might depend on you."
"I don't think it should be dependent on me." Janie tensed up. This was getting worse.
"In this case it does." He still gazed at her, expecting that she would know what he meant.
"Nothing should depend on me, Ian."
"Nothing?" The look on his face almost broke her heart. Disappointment. She had to fix this.
"No." She admitted. "I try to be responsible, but sometimes I make mistakes." Not that he was a mistake. She backtracked. "I hate to see you disappointed, and I'm afraid if you depend on me for anything that's what will end up happening."
"If you don't understand, I'm the one making the mistake not you."
"I don't think you are." He shook his head at her, looked away. Her heart sank even further down.
"If you think nothing in my life depends on you then I am making a mistake, one I've already made several times before."
"I don't think that it should, but I know that some things do." That's not what she meant to say. She wanted to say that she was afraid of messing the relationship up, that if he depended on her, he would get his heart broken. What mistake was he talking about? Janie feared she would never know when she saw his hurt expression.
"Some? He now looked defeated, and started as fast as he could towards the bedroom.
"You're leaving." She got up to follow him, but turned away. "If you feel the same way about me that I feel about you, then no. It's everything." It took all she had not to have a choked up voice as she admitted that. "Everything everywhere depends on you and you consume every detail of my life."
He stopped walking, and turned towards her. "Why do you act like nothing in my life should depend on you? If you thought about it instead of hiding from your life you'd know exactly what I was talking about." His voice was raised and he sounded almost angry.
"I don't know." She couldn't face him, not after the argument she'd caused. "I hide, I pretend that I couldn't possibly mean anything to anyone, because it's easier that way." That wasn't quite right, but nothing was so far that afternoon. "I don't know, Ian. I don't know why I'm acting like this."
"Easier for who?" Ian snapped at her, his mind on an earlier conversation "I already have four women and your mother in my life telling me that no one else can possibly mean anything to an arrogant man like me." He spat the words out with disgust. "I don't want or need another woman like that in my life. I don't need another person telling me what I think about them."
Janie was silent as Ian stood there, collecting himself. He didn't add anything else.
"For me." Her soft voice broke the silence. "I never, ever expected the relationship to grow to, to what it is. I can't tell you what you think, what you feel. I shouldn't try to do that." She paused for a second. "You're one of the best things to happen to me ever, and it was easier for me to think of it like every other relationship that I've been in, which is admiring and loving someone who doesn't feel close to what I felt about them. I'm not going to tell you that I know what you're thinking about me any more. I'm not a mind reader." Would that be enough? She doubted it. She realized that the wrong things had been said. "If... you don't need me in your life. I understand. I'll leave and you will never see me or hear from me again." Those last words came out strained, words she didn't want to say, and words she didn't mean. "I don't want to leave."
She sat back down on the couch, and looked at her feet.
He was stunned to silence. Ian went to the coffee table and started rummaging through the stack of papers and books that he used for research. "If you can't understand when I show you-" The words were quick and short as he flipped through the dog eared pages of a jewellery catalogue. "Maybe reading will get through to you." He threw the catalogue at her feet, and fled to the bedroom slamming the door behind him as soon as it hit the floor.
It took a few moments of silence before she picked up the catalogue. Jewellery. He'd already given her a beautiful ring. She wouldn't feel comfortable accepting too much else, especially not anything that was in that catalogue. The prices were all very high. Then, she realized what pages he had dog-eared.
Engagement rings. Pages and pages of diamond engagement rings. The catalogue fell to the floor again, her thoughts racing. Had he been talking about marriage? She couldn't get married- not that she didn't want to, but almost her whole life she'd been told that she couldn't marry and that love was pointless. That is what this was. Love.
It wasn't that she didn't want to get married. She wanted that more than anything. Janie wanted the big wedding with a beautiful dress and over-priced cake, her father walking her down the aisle and driving off in a fancy car to a honeymoon. She wanted to be carried over the threshold by her husband, and to have kids and a dog.
Ian wanted to share that with her, and she had been too blind, too stupid to see that. She felt tears running down her face and wasn't sure why. Was she happy? Sad? Disappointed that she'd ruined something so wonderful. The worst that could happen right now was that he would tell her to leave and never talk to him again. She was prepared for that. Janie taught herself that people would always leave her because she didn't belong.
After wiping tears from her eyes, she took a deep breath and walked to the bedroom to test the door. It wasn't locked. When she walked in, Ian was sitting on the bed rubbing his temples.
"I'm an idiot at times, Ian." She walked over to him "Was it you who told me to take my blinders off? I think I understand now. I don't want to hide from my life any more." Looking down at the catalogue, she admitted something else. "I'm not afraid any more either. The answer would have been yes." There was a silent moment before Ian spoke again.
"I did say it uh... because I don't think you would have agreed otherwise." He shook his head. "I don't know if I want to." Any hope that she had flew away when he finally looked over at her. "I might not act like it but I..uh..." There was a pause. "I take my relationship seriously."
Earlier, she wouldn't have believed him. Now? She'd seen the catalogue. She knew that this was serious, no matter how much she'd tried denying it. She wasn't going to deny it any more, and wasn't going to be afraid of opening her heart so completely to another person. She wanted to be with him, now and forever.
"Will you let me prove to you that I want to take things seriously? I want to be with you. I want this relationship to work."
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be." Ian said, reaching his hand out to hers. She put her hand in his, pleased that his voice sounded more like the man she fell in love with. They stayed like that for a few minutes, not saying anything to each other.
Then, she wrapped her other arm around him in a hug. He took that as an invitation to let go of her hand, and hug her tightly, laying his head on her chest. Eventually, he pulled away from their embrace and smiled at her. "Uh... guess that spoils the surprise?"
"Yes. You'll have to find another way to surprise me." She smiled back at him. Everything was okay again.
"When and what will still be a surprise." He pulled her in closer.
"I'm looking forward to it."
"I don't know if I want to get married again." Ian shrugged. "Uh.. but if I do I've found someone who might be worth it."
"I've never been married before, but I've found someone who is worth it." She grinned at him, then leaned to kiss him on the cheek.
"I love you even without the ring." He grinned.
"As long as I have you, the ring doesn't matter. I love you." The words were almost vow like, her echoing what he said. They both meant it, and though it wasn't official, she knew that she wanted to marry that man and spend a lifetime with him.
Word Count: 1997
"It is right." Janie said, looking over his shoulder. "I have your best interests at heart." It was a lazy afternoon in early summer, and both of them were reading fortunes to each other.
"It's beating the statistics on being right."
"How accurate was yours?" She was a little nervous. He seemed to be taking it seriously.
"More than I'd like to admit right now."
"Here's hoping the lazy person doesn't stick around too long, and let's not talk about this any more right now." Janie smiled, and really wanted the subject to change.
"I don't know anyone lazy." Ian looked worried. "Okay, we don't have to."
"You don't? That doesn't mean that someone lazy will show up, does it? We can talk, I avoid things too much. This is me being avoidant. The fortunes are fake." She rambled a bit, and tried harder to improve the situation. She didn't want to argue with him.
"Maybe they're talking about Levine or Ludlow? They want things without doing work which could be lazy. I want to avoid the discussion." He paused, a serious expression still on his face. "As fake as tarot or astrology or winning lottery numbers."
"I could get the winning lottery numbers." She was mostly joking. Janie had considered it quite a few times, but knew it wasn't ethical.
"I've already got more money than I know what to spend it on."
"Not everyone is as fortunate." Money was something she didn't want to talk about with him, and the conversation seemed to be going further south.
"Not everyone is willing to work this hard to get here." She tried not to be offended. Obviously he talked about school, and everything he had been through to get to where he was, but she worked hard every day and was barely able to stay afloat- no, she was fast sinking into ruin because she could afford absolutely nothing.
"They're not as brilliant as you either."
"I'm not sure my common sense and brilliance will continue." The compliment didn't help him smile. He seemed so intense as he spoke.
"Why wouldn't they?"
"I tend to repeat mistakes." As Ian spoke, Janie felt like she was missing something but had no idea what. All she wanted was to see him smile again.
"If you catch yourself repeating the mistakes, why not stop?"
"Optimism? Hope? I'm not cynical about everything yet."
"Yet." Janie said that word flatly. She knew he'd become a complete cynic one day, and it seemed like that day was coming soon.
"Obviously."
"I'm going to be optimistic that you'll never become a complete cynic." Another hopeful smile, another chance to end whatever this was turning in to.
"That outcome might depend on you."
"I don't think it should be dependent on me." Janie tensed up. This was getting worse.
"In this case it does." He still gazed at her, expecting that she would know what he meant.
"Nothing should depend on me, Ian."
"Nothing?" The look on his face almost broke her heart. Disappointment. She had to fix this.
"No." She admitted. "I try to be responsible, but sometimes I make mistakes." Not that he was a mistake. She backtracked. "I hate to see you disappointed, and I'm afraid if you depend on me for anything that's what will end up happening."
"If you don't understand, I'm the one making the mistake not you."
"I don't think you are." He shook his head at her, looked away. Her heart sank even further down.
"If you think nothing in my life depends on you then I am making a mistake, one I've already made several times before."
"I don't think that it should, but I know that some things do." That's not what she meant to say. She wanted to say that she was afraid of messing the relationship up, that if he depended on her, he would get his heart broken. What mistake was he talking about? Janie feared she would never know when she saw his hurt expression.
"Some? He now looked defeated, and started as fast as he could towards the bedroom.
"You're leaving." She got up to follow him, but turned away. "If you feel the same way about me that I feel about you, then no. It's everything." It took all she had not to have a choked up voice as she admitted that. "Everything everywhere depends on you and you consume every detail of my life."
He stopped walking, and turned towards her. "Why do you act like nothing in my life should depend on you? If you thought about it instead of hiding from your life you'd know exactly what I was talking about." His voice was raised and he sounded almost angry.
"I don't know." She couldn't face him, not after the argument she'd caused. "I hide, I pretend that I couldn't possibly mean anything to anyone, because it's easier that way." That wasn't quite right, but nothing was so far that afternoon. "I don't know, Ian. I don't know why I'm acting like this."
"Easier for who?" Ian snapped at her, his mind on an earlier conversation "I already have four women and your mother in my life telling me that no one else can possibly mean anything to an arrogant man like me." He spat the words out with disgust. "I don't want or need another woman like that in my life. I don't need another person telling me what I think about them."
Janie was silent as Ian stood there, collecting himself. He didn't add anything else.
"For me." Her soft voice broke the silence. "I never, ever expected the relationship to grow to, to what it is. I can't tell you what you think, what you feel. I shouldn't try to do that." She paused for a second. "You're one of the best things to happen to me ever, and it was easier for me to think of it like every other relationship that I've been in, which is admiring and loving someone who doesn't feel close to what I felt about them. I'm not going to tell you that I know what you're thinking about me any more. I'm not a mind reader." Would that be enough? She doubted it. She realized that the wrong things had been said. "If... you don't need me in your life. I understand. I'll leave and you will never see me or hear from me again." Those last words came out strained, words she didn't want to say, and words she didn't mean. "I don't want to leave."
She sat back down on the couch, and looked at her feet.
He was stunned to silence. Ian went to the coffee table and started rummaging through the stack of papers and books that he used for research. "If you can't understand when I show you-" The words were quick and short as he flipped through the dog eared pages of a jewellery catalogue. "Maybe reading will get through to you." He threw the catalogue at her feet, and fled to the bedroom slamming the door behind him as soon as it hit the floor.
It took a few moments of silence before she picked up the catalogue. Jewellery. He'd already given her a beautiful ring. She wouldn't feel comfortable accepting too much else, especially not anything that was in that catalogue. The prices were all very high. Then, she realized what pages he had dog-eared.
Engagement rings. Pages and pages of diamond engagement rings. The catalogue fell to the floor again, her thoughts racing. Had he been talking about marriage? She couldn't get married- not that she didn't want to, but almost her whole life she'd been told that she couldn't marry and that love was pointless. That is what this was. Love.
It wasn't that she didn't want to get married. She wanted that more than anything. Janie wanted the big wedding with a beautiful dress and over-priced cake, her father walking her down the aisle and driving off in a fancy car to a honeymoon. She wanted to be carried over the threshold by her husband, and to have kids and a dog.
Ian wanted to share that with her, and she had been too blind, too stupid to see that. She felt tears running down her face and wasn't sure why. Was she happy? Sad? Disappointed that she'd ruined something so wonderful. The worst that could happen right now was that he would tell her to leave and never talk to him again. She was prepared for that. Janie taught herself that people would always leave her because she didn't belong.
After wiping tears from her eyes, she took a deep breath and walked to the bedroom to test the door. It wasn't locked. When she walked in, Ian was sitting on the bed rubbing his temples.
"I'm an idiot at times, Ian." She walked over to him "Was it you who told me to take my blinders off? I think I understand now. I don't want to hide from my life any more." Looking down at the catalogue, she admitted something else. "I'm not afraid any more either. The answer would have been yes." There was a silent moment before Ian spoke again.
"I did say it uh... because I don't think you would have agreed otherwise." He shook his head. "I don't know if I want to." Any hope that she had flew away when he finally looked over at her. "I might not act like it but I..uh..." There was a pause. "I take my relationship seriously."
Earlier, she wouldn't have believed him. Now? She'd seen the catalogue. She knew that this was serious, no matter how much she'd tried denying it. She wasn't going to deny it any more, and wasn't going to be afraid of opening her heart so completely to another person. She wanted to be with him, now and forever.
"Will you let me prove to you that I want to take things seriously? I want to be with you. I want this relationship to work."
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be." Ian said, reaching his hand out to hers. She put her hand in his, pleased that his voice sounded more like the man she fell in love with. They stayed like that for a few minutes, not saying anything to each other.
Then, she wrapped her other arm around him in a hug. He took that as an invitation to let go of her hand, and hug her tightly, laying his head on her chest. Eventually, he pulled away from their embrace and smiled at her. "Uh... guess that spoils the surprise?"
"Yes. You'll have to find another way to surprise me." She smiled back at him. Everything was okay again.
"When and what will still be a surprise." He pulled her in closer.
"I'm looking forward to it."
"I don't know if I want to get married again." Ian shrugged. "Uh.. but if I do I've found someone who might be worth it."
"I've never been married before, but I've found someone who is worth it." She grinned at him, then leaned to kiss him on the cheek.
"I love you even without the ring." He grinned.
"As long as I have you, the ring doesn't matter. I love you." The words were almost vow like, her echoing what he said. They both meant it, and though it wasn't official, she knew that she wanted to marry that man and spend a lifetime with him.
Word Count: 1997
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-26 02:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-26 06:04 pm (UTC)I'm still working on the first meeting/date (They talked for ages. I consider that a date?). It's 4400+words now, and I've been trying to edit it down.
I don't think that's working.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-27 01:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-27 01:18 am (UTC)That says 'date' to me.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-27 01:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-27 01:43 am (UTC)