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[a_time_slip]

Sleep is optional!

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[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Don't you like dreaming?

[a_time_slip]

Not lately.

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Can't for the life of me think why. [He's a little stand-offish, irritable even]

[a_time_slip]

...Was that? What- no. Nevermind.

Hello.

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

[She always does this, always, and as always, he's still giving her the chance to tell him herself]

Hello.

Why not lately then? Nightmares?

[a_time_slip]

Terrible nightmares. Guilt, the whole lot.

I could use a drink. Do you want one?

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Care to halve your troubles on a friend's shoulder?

Yeah, I really do. Bourbon?

[a_time_slip]

*shes feels so guilty and can't look at him*


I can't.

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Isn't easy, I guess. [She can't see him, but he's glaring at her] Not like telling your kid there's no Santa Claus. Now that'd be a fucking cakewalk in comparison.

[a_time_slip]

I didn't say anything about Santa. What does Christmas have to do with this? *she just gets the bourbon out and pours a glass*

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Just the first comparison that came into my head. [He takes it, knocking it down his throat in one]

I had a really interesting discussion with Lynn.

[a_time_slip]

[The bottle drops to the floor, and she stands stiffly] She wasn't supposed to be there. I didn't know until it was too late.

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

I kinda put that part together myself. [He watches the bottle smash into glass splinters and liquid with no hint of reaction]

The part I still don't get, is WHY YOU FUCKING TRIED THAT.

[a_time_slip]

You wouldn't have known, not for... at least until the boat came back. I set it for six months. There's too much, I can't anymore.

I give up.

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

Oh, that makes ALL the difference then, doesn't it? That'd have cheered everyone up. Oh fuck. Janie's dead. But guess what? THAT WAS SIX FUCKING MONTHS AGO. NO NEED TO GRIEVE ANY MORE THEN. IS THERE!!! WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?? WHAT ARE YOU EVER FUCKING THINKING?

[He'll stop to breathe at this point]

[a_time_slip]

I don't know! That it's the only way out, to not feel so horrible any more. Nothing helped!

[And now she's picking up the glass, anything so she doesn't have to look at Phoenix or think too much.]

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

[He stops yelling, and paces foe a while, getting his breath back and feeling devastated at all this]

How.. How can things be that bad? That you'd wanna.. Can you even die that way? I wish you'd at least tried to ask for help.

[He's never tried that himself, no matter how horrific things got. It would be pointless. And of course Phoenix would never have asked anyone for help himself. Ylaia. Alec or Drake had always practically had to force it on him] Gods, Janie. I don't know how to help.

[a_time_slip]

It kept... getting worse. And then the thing in the field happened, and the baby. I can barely look at him, Phoenix.

[And she's picking up the glass still, very carefully]

There was someone I saw for help, but... I can't anymore. The pills didn't work, nothing bloody works. [All in a very even tone] Blowing up wouldn't kill me? There's no nebula to bring me back like for you. I thought it would just- end.

[No such luck for her. Time doesn't just end, at the very least, it starts all over again]

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

[He lets her carry on picking up the glass for a while, just because he realises she needs something to do with herself]

You're immortal Janie. We don't know if it's that easy, I know there's always some way. But a low-tech bomb? Were you hoping the Rift Raft's temporal field would provide the extra energy?

[Oh shite, now he's techno-babbling at her. Great]

[a_time_slip]

I don't want to be immortal. I thought, if I was injured enough, if it blew me apart and no one was there to help. I thought it would work, and that everyone would think it was an accident.

[She's too busy focusing on glass to even notice]

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

[He can understand, on some level]

Immortality can be a bitch, but nothing stays the same, even when things are at their worst. Is there really nothing that you want to live for?

[a_time_slip]

There is, but I've messed it all up, and I've done terrible things.

[She's stopped picking up the glass, and is now just staring at the floor]

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

I wish you'd tell me. [He makes the glass disappear, and the spilt liquid]

I'm an angel, and your friend. I can't judge you, Janie. That never comes from me, even when I'm dishing out retribution, it comes through me.

LOCKED BECAUSE NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW

[a_time_slip]

I'm a terrible parent... and.. I.

I killed a lot of people. An alternate Ori, um, came after me and Lynn. So I found her and killed her, then everyone else in the compound. Destroyed it until it was nothing but glass and went to every alternate I could find and did the same thing.

Over, and over, and wiped as many of them out as I could. If they ran, I found them.

And I've been giving people to the Master. It bothered me at first, but I don't think I care anymore. The kids are staying between my Father's and Xanders, because I just don't trust myself around anyone I care about. I'd even shown Julian how to operate the Rift Raft, since it was supposed to come back.

HE WILL NEVER TALK

[ashes-ascended.livejournal.com]

[He's about to point out that Lynn is no ordinary kid, and a few other things, but the rest catches him out completely]

[He does have to sit down after that] I... wow. Sounds like the act of a pissed god.

As for the Master.. what kind of people?